Job

I work with teenagers, and last week we did an activity in which they had to come forward and discuss what they are thankful for, one of the autistic children, white, came forward and said "im thankful that I'm not black, cause people are mean to black people" Whoa....that was hilarious, I know some of yall may read that and get all up in arms...maybe even play the "that's ashame card" But seriously he was speaking the truth in his eyes, in 2010 even with a Black President, this young man said, shit I'd rather be in this situation than black...sleep on that

ramble

gimme something to write about. I've totally neglected my blog game and writing in general. In turn I find myself s lot more lazy these days, but no this isn't some call out for attention. I'm actually saying I just been lazy.

Hmmmm let's see no silly stories or points of views. But hark! they loom, hark they loom.

For those I haven't spoken to in a while or anyone else with English reading capabilities, I am doing great. recently learned to fly, not a plane, but me, I can actually fly now, I was growing rather wearisome of walking around all the time.

I'm watching a movie and need to get back to it, but I'll be back bringing back the posts again starting this week, there's a lot that needs discussing. So, tell a friend, I'm trying to get to 100 page hits a day so please ask questions, suggest topics and I'll see what I can do in regards to babble

Me Out

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pssst

I'm back.

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I had to do it...

Today I say, with a heavy heart that my girl and I have ended our relationship. Yeah, she tried her best, and it was tremendous for a while however in the end I had to move on to something more appropriate. Today my friends, I found a new barber (for those just joining, go check the archives for a post entitled "have a fun") Joon you will be missed...

Yeah so apparently(I'm just gonna assume y'all have read and know who Joon is, I'm really not trying to type all that, who knows what types of tangents I may go on as is) Joon has not been at the shop the last few times I've gone in, and even more startlingly so, each time it has been a random medley of Asian woman barbers that come out of a break room to cut the hair of whomever walks in the store. No, I'm serious. When you walk up to the place, it looks kinda like a Hair Cuttery/Urban Barber shop in that it has all sorts of pictures of their "illest cuts" and random magazines but also with a nice selection of pomades and other stuff. (you like how I just got tired of describing the place and said "and other stuff") Anyways, you get there and unless there are other people getting haircuts the place is empty, but once you walk in, two ladies walk out from a door that STAYS CLOSED one of which decides "yeah sure I'll do it" then the other trolls back to the room. I promise you, I have been getting a cut, and witnessed two new customers walk in and see a grand total of 17 different barbers come out. Needless to say, in all this fun and ballyhoo, my haircuts have been getting jacked. Which wasn't a big deal at first because I wasn't working or entering the world of humans. However lately I got big boy work to do and I can't be walking around looking like Sling Blade. So finally I just asked straight up where the heck Joon was, they let me know she had moved back to Taiwan and that was that, and with that I said an unofficial good by to the ladies of Skyline Barbershop.

Today I went to a regular urban barber shop, complete with incense, KING magazines and arguments about Kobe v Lebron for ultimate NBA supremacy (Lebron). I got in the chair, and I will admit, it was like riding a bike

Barber- what you need
Me- lemme get a one and a half all the way around, round the back, and bring the sides down.
Barber-bet

and with those four words I knew it was legit. I'll spare you the details of some long story about how glorious it was yadda yadda yadda. I read a KING, by read I mean looked, got my cut, paid my loot and tip, dipped out. Then of course, as any young sir will tell you, I fully checked that cut out in rear view mirror and when I got home. To make a long story short, if that's even possible at this point, The Lady spontaneously shouted I LOVE YOUR HAIRCUT (no, she did not yell I just type in caps) I had to say that because 1. she did not yell and 2. she always gets nervous after she says embarassing things and goes "augh are you gonna put that in the damn blog" but she did say she loved the cut.

Alright, Conan is on, I have to run. Joon, my girl, take care of yourself, Have a fun.

this might take a few posts 1.2

okay so there was no real reason to start a new post, but I had already committed to the whole number, decimal, number thing, so I kind of at least had to have a . two.

now I'd like to take a second to get a little something off of my chest. Since moving up here (Northern VA/DC) I run into a lot more people just in day to day life, which is fine by me, but the real blower, is how serious so many people manage to take themselves, really? wow. I will admit, I am not the first person to say this and will not belabor the point here. However, it bears being said that people by and large, will wield whatever bit of authority/and or power, at their disposal for ANY REASON. I mean, it doesn't matter where you stand on the overall totem pole of,well, anything really, people will indeed get a "tone" with anyone beneath them.

Me and The Lady are in Random Grocery Store 237 and check out boy is straight HEATED(yes, typing in caps is my new thing, don't worry I don't see it lasting long as I keep forgetting to stop undoing caps lock)HEATED that The Lady has done something to warrant calling his supervisor over, who has the "ultra code" that will fix this. Now, I can say the following with first hand experience, I used to work for Random Super Mega Store Membership Only Store 178 for a few months and used to think this then. But, why in the heck don't they just let everyone working the line know this dag on code? I mean really, what is the big secret? are you going to invite all your buddies in so that they can come in your line and get all the 4 for $3.00 Ritz on sale? The manager with the code, or the key, or the wand, or the shamwow, whatever, they use these days is never just standing around. They are never just standing thinking,"man, I sure wish someone would flick on their light so I could enter the password" no, these managers are off doing something way obscure like restocking Western Union Spanish forms from storage, which is upstairs, yeah, you didn't even know there was an upstairs, or they're mopping up some pickle juice cause the part time kid just didn't show up today, or my personal favorite, they're five lanes down putting in the code and have to make two more stops before they get to you. Which really comes down to a matter of simple productivity, does it honestly make more sense for one person to know a magic sequence of digits to make work easier, or for a lot of people to have this same information.

Anyway, ole boy is all huffy puffy, and sighing all heavy, carrying on. Speaking OF WHICH,(testing you) sighing has got to be, the most punk/powerful way to get your point across. In any situation sighing will either convey a powerful message, look at me sighing over here proving my point. Or you will be what I call a sighee one who is sighing as a misfortunate course of events leading him to this predicamenet. Few Examples: You get laid off, You step in gum, You forgot to DVR your show last night, He's late...again, She's Late...again. Anyhow you get it, that really had nada to do with nada, but I was just thinking about sighing.

So old boy is trying to be the sigher like "lemme sigh flex on these two right quick before boss lady gets here" but it came across as "oh look at me I'm 16 and think someone cares Im sighing" I mean really, what did he expect from me, an apology, sorry man shouldn't have got the bread, didnt know it would short the system. But when I looked down at the bagger, this chick was EATING IT UP, I mean she was like all into it on some, ohhhh he just punked them wit dat sigh!!! kill em, kill these aisle 7 breakin fools, break em down boy break em down!!! Because honestly, to her, in their world he has more power and therefore he's really coming across as "that guy" meanwhile Im over here on some "this guy"ole ashtmatic. Boss lady comes over all flustered and talking backwards grocery talk, "wonk gnorw stahw?" soon as he tells her, she unleashes a mother load of a sigh that slices directly through not only his previous punk fairy like sigh, but through all breaths he had ever took, heck, if memory serves me correct, he may have even hiccuped through some wierd sort of wind suction voice modification, what? Once she finishes the sigh which was complete with matching eye roll, she parlayed that into a one hand ultra sonic key-code combo that Im sure went down in the grocery hall of fame. I mean she did the whole code and key thing, and didn't even have to touch the other set of 53 keys in her other hand ( I mean damn, how many doors yall got in here). See now in this instance she was definately flexing her power on old boy, and would have been little lady to but she scurried off to aisle 13 when Boss Lady walked up. However, her total disdain for this boy and his mere insolence even got me a little shook, in retrospect...sorry about the bread

this might take a few posts 1.1

alas, yes, I have been gone for a little bit. For the record I said that first sentence in a medieval voice as I typed it for added flair, so please, humor me and go back and read it with said accent. New job's had me real busy but I'm back on solid ground again and have time in my brain to babble.

New job hmm lets see I work as an Assistant Director of a Rec Center, it's pretty good work, I'm an official employee of the county I have a .gov email address for whatever that's worth. All that means to me is, PERSONAL COMPUTER does not mean the same PERSONAL COMPUTER that you have at your house. Note to those of you whom may be reading this at work, ask yourself, can this be traced? if so I suggest you at least learn how to manipulate your history as best you can. Yeah, work is going well, I over see a staff in day to day operations of said Rec Center. While that job in and of itself has its own elaborate events worthy of its own daily blog. I AM ALMOST JUMPING UP AND DOWN TO TALK ABOUT THE JOB. However I feel it in my best interest to not speak candidly about my current employer while said employer is .gov and the current job market is in its current state. Now lets get down to foolery...

1:44

It's 1:44 a.m On Tuesday January 20th 2009 right now, and while there will be billions of words written about the events that are to take place today. Oh, the stories that will be told about today, the anecdotes, and memories, the I remember, the you should have seen, the my mother made me go's. I would just like to say the following...

Congratulations are in order, to America, and to all that have helped get us to where we are. Job well done, Yes We Did. Now go out there and give them a speech we'll be telling our grand kids about President Obama.

my mother the cool

The year is young, but already with a bolt, my mother is staking her claim for "coolest person i know" title early. Allow me to plead my case if you will. I call her madre, so keep up, and no she is not Hispanic, I just call her Madre, in return she calls me hijo (son) pronounced e-ho, which is only slightly different from the way she types it to me in emails or has it in her phone: eho. I've told her it makes me sound like an electronic-ho, and that pointed out the right way to spell it to which she lets me know "thats how you spell it, this is how I spell it e ho". Shes the madre so I listen, but alas, back to my point. TANGENT ALERT, TANGENT ALERT again I repeat, tangent alert, I can smell it in the air, wait for it, wait for it...and HERE. I really, really appreciate, all of y'all that hit me up in passing to say you've been reading. And no, I'm not thanking you for reading, I am actually applauding your attention keeping skills, cause I go back through occasionally and read these things and half way through Im like what was he just talking about, oh thats right. So to all of you good job, I suppose it truly is amazing what you can do while bored at work, or while stalking it out a little. Right, back to madre....

Okay so just a mere two years ago good ole madre, was adamantly against text messaging. Would have a baffled face when I mentioned any social network site, and was plenty content with adding a new contact to her emails as "thing". Fast forward to 2009 and I present to you, the Blackberry toting, text messaging, facebook machine. Just to put it in perspective, she got me a bluetooth headset (my first one) after I didn't even ask for it, she was like, oh yeah, you'll love it. Did I mention she has her phone all set up to her car's bluetooth, bought my stepdad an iphone, then jokes him for not using it enough, or properly. And madre is becoming the facebook wizard. Although I will admit that it is rather funny to be on the phone with her while we are having a chat at the same time, she says out loud what shes typing then asks me how to send it, She's coming to my spot for the innauguration, and is all ready to hang out. I dont want you read this and think, oh goodness, some other woman trying to get fresh, It is safe to say that _ _ r _ _ _ _ is genuinely getting her cool swag up. (too many wierdos out there to put her name out there). It helps to have a mid twenty year old kid a daughter in high school and one in middle school to keep you up on whats what. I did about loose it when, while driving I heard her wake up from a nap to sing along to "weee oh wee oh weee oh weee oh wee" yes, the Lil Wayne and Bobby Valentino song, only to later say "did he just say Rodney King?" she says thats the only part she knows, and yes, that was the part she was walking around humming while making Christmas Eve dinner. And please, please don't get me started on her Beyonce love, I don't think one artist could better help galvanize any mother daughter relationship over the past 45 years, and yes I just pulled the number 45 out of the air. Anyway, Im about to get some food, text madre, then check out the pictures Im sure she posted of me are up. Y'all be sure to send your mother a nice little note, I hear stamps are 42 cents these days

new job update

Alright so Ive been absent for a bit cause the new job has been consuming a lot of my time and energy, so lets get up to speed.

So for those of you just clicking in, I am now an Assistant Director at a community center in the county of Fairfax. I've got a staff of 11 that I oversee and of the 11, 8 are a good 15 years my senior or so which is pretty chill. I do a bunch of stuff yadda yadda. But the more important thing I wanted to get to were to points.

Numero Uno. Speaking of which, for those of you who took Spanish in high school, you better get to dusting up on it, I say it all the time Spanish is the new internet (try stealing that phrase if you want, but this post is date and time stamped so I have proof I said it first) but just like you essentially do not NEED the internet to live, it sure does open up a lot of the world to you. The same can, and will be said for the country's "second" language. I try to throw in some espanol when I go to any retail chain where all the employees are speaking Spanish, it normally gets me one of two looks 1. "good stuff American boy" or 2. "just stop, please, this is bad". In any event, I give it a go...but no that's not what I was going to talk on.

I'm sitting at my desk on my first day at the Center, getting my workspace set up, going over the software, just all in all getting myself adjusted to my surroundings, when after about honestly 4 minutes, I looked at the clock, and was like "dang 3 more hours". Now here I am, been out of work for three weeks, begging to get back to work, excited about the new job and everything, but even then at my most prime urge, I was hour counting. Which got me thinking, am I the only one? Or are we just a whole set of folks steady walking around backwards counting the time till we are free. Cause I can tell you, I have worked some jobs, some I liked, some I loved, but anyway you put it, I was backwards counting. I mean full fledged pulling out my hand and counting on some ole "...2 o' clock, 3 o'clock, 4 o'clock.." and don't tell me I'm the only one to do the count and be like...what 6 hours?!?!? lemme try again "...2 o'clock, 3 o'clock, 4 o'clock..." That's cool and all when it's the waiter getting you a re-fill trying to get off after your table, cause she wants to watch American Idol, but its not really all that great when the Medic on his way to get you after that heart attack at 10:02 just text his girl friend at 9:59, "no matter what Ill be home in 15 minutes I been here 9 hours". Or the Surgeon looking at his schedule like "auggggh not another brain thing, thats 13 hours just down the drain". Speaking of hour counting, who else out there is counting off on their hands how much sleep they are about to forfeit for some more fun? I started this in college when 8, and 9 ams were my foe and drinking more was at stake, now I just sit on the couch staying up for staying up sake rationalizing it in my head " okay, if I go to bed in 30 minutes at 2 how much sleep will I get...2 o'clock, 3 o'clock, 4 o'clock..."

Now the second thing I want to bring up might not be so clean, but thats okay, and no I don't mean vulgar, I mean literally clean. I was at some training for the new gig and went to the bathroom and just as I stepped to the urinal I noticed a huge puddle of urine in front of the urinal so I just stepped over to the less puddled other urinal. Now to all you who have never been to a male public restroom, this, is, the norm. See, and it never bothers me unless, ohhhh I dont know? Maybe when I don't want to step in pee? Seriously its not as gross as it sounds, its actually a bit grosser, especially at sporting events and concerts, and theme parks, come to think of it yeah come to think of it theme parks are down right barn like. So much so that I could make a business that put down hay in men's restrooms at theme parks and that business could single handedly turn around the economy. It's not that men are gross, and can't hit a target right in front of them, ok, well thats part of it, but not as huge a part as you might think. My beef here is with the actual design of the urinal itself. The damn thing is just right there on the wall, made of porcelain (tough word to spell, note to self: poor ci layn) anyway. Would you think to yourself to even throw water right against a poor ci layn wall from six inches away and not expect to get some on yourself or at least the floor right there? Not to mention the whole fact you have to get close because the dude next to you might be the one, the one out of every 48 guys you catch gazing around, so you're all huddled up on this thing feeling your own pee splash on your hands just hoping no remains show up on your jeans, or khakis you dastardly steed you, and for your accomplishments what are you rewarded with? thats right, a nice puddle of urine from the previous 17 men to have been here before. I actually took the time to look up new urinals and that photo is apparently some new trendy one in Euroland or something. (note to all Americans Euroland is not some new theme park in L.A) it's in Orlando.

Okay Ive got some walking around to do, and I'm sure you've got some facebook stalking to get back too.

two thousand and IX

Okay new year, let me just get right to you and say I'm not so big on resolutions, not because I feel as though I won't be able to keep them, but more so because I don't have the attention span to stick to something for that long. Normally I'll make a general goal for the year of things I'd like to get done within the next twelve months, like learn to cook an omelet (for the record omelet took me three guesses, and an eventual right click to spell it correctly omlette was where I was going with it) speaking of which (tangent alert, repeat, tangent alert, if you have a report to get back to or a paper that needs writing, go away now because this is a tangent alert) am I the only one that will try to respell the word again, the exact same way? as if the computer "heard" you wrong...nah nah computer, you see, I said OM-LETTE like the egg thing you flip...and the computer is thinking, yeah I know, and you said om-lete all wrong, that's what this function is for, not you to keep misspelling the word like tricking me into getting it wrong and quit spelling their wrong, its not going to change.. Okay where was I? Oh what the heck, lets go ahead and new paragraph it.

Alright, Ive got a lot to catch up on, but I'll probably break it up into two posts, one because I get tired of typing, the -v- key on my keyboard has been acting up so I have to SLAM on it to get it to type. Which can be alternatingly annoying (yes red line under alternatingly whatever) because I can sometimes go for a good 15 to 20 minutes with typing the letter after U, but sometimes Ill hit a patch where every third word I type has a post U slammer. Okay, so enough babble, for the new year a few things I would like to get done, should you have any methods by which to assist cool shoot me some advice or a suggestion.

1. Learn to make an omelet (would you believe I honestly spelled it wrong again)
2. Learn to spell omlette
3. Do the vegan thing for a month
4. Learn another language
5.Go to some more major sporting event
6. Find a church in the area
7. Read 40 books

There are a select one or two more, but thats enough for now. The books one was my major goal for 2008, not sure how close I came but I would say I was somewhere around 29 or so. If you have a recommendation for me here is what I like...a good story. Not so much into scary, gory, a murder mystery is fine, but often I can figure them out early, I will read historical, no sci fi, absolutely no romance, and will definitely read chic-lit. With that said I just got done reading The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao it was a 2007 Pulitzer award winner, I thought it was just so so. Right now I am alternating between Chuck Palahniuk's Choke (he's the guy who wrote Fight Club) and another book called Lucifer's Flood by a nice middle aged red head woman, Im too lazy to go get the book and read her name, or even google the title for that matter. And no, it isn't some end of time spooky mess. It's actual a semi comical telling of the war between God and Satan from the beginning of time from the perspective of an angel who has witnessed it alls lost diary. Yeah its weird to explain over type but whatever. My top three books I read in 2008 to suggest would be Devil in the White City by Erik Larson. Its a true telling of the world fair in Chicago at the turn of the century and all the behind the scene drama that went on in the city politically and archaeologically while at the same time there was a serial killer on the loose, on some Jack the Ripper, Hannibal Lecter type murder, this book was brilliant. I also liked What is the What the authors name escapes me, but it was the first hand tale of one of the Lost Boys of the Sudan who lived a life of hustle and escape, lots of sad stories in that one, but its a must read, and my all around favorite book of 2008 was a Joshua Ferris Then We All Came to The End. Its an office comedy, that just tells a bunch of stories about office politics at an ad agency where people are getting laid off, I thought it was hilarious, get it if you teach, and have time to kill, or if you are gonna do some traveling. OH OH OH HOW COULD I FORGET I Love You Beth Cooverman I forget the author's name but its hilarious, about a high school valedictorian professing his love for the resident beauty and then the night he gets to spend with her and her friends...its straight comedy. But don't take my word for it

I went to Cleveland OH for Christmas stalkers. Good time all around, I'll spare you the memory lane and get right to the best part of the whole trip. December 23, 2008, my uncle had a few of his friends over, all classy people and all very well-spoken and polite. So no I'm not about to wax poetic about how people were running streaking through the house. However I will let it be noted that at a certain point my uncle did make a martini for my aunt, tasted it, and said oh no that's way to sweet for you, give it to Jamaal...really? That drink is far too sweet for a woman, we better give it to that boy...what's worse is I drank it. After about 2 hours or drinking my uncle was licking his two fingers and running around like a man simulating riding a horse would, and imagine that same man roping a lasso, but that this lasso is held up with just the two licked fingers, same said lasso man is slapping all the men present on the butt with his butt lasso, and while riding his invisible horse. Also my aunt who had, had quite a few drinks gladly proclaimed to all present her top ability to vomit, at will, and hit the toilet from any distance, I believe "I'm a pro, a pro baby doll, a pro" was the exact quote. All while my mom kept shouting at me "boy shut up before you make me pee my self" which at that point was the least of my worries, with a vomit terror threat at about level orange and butt lasso lick slaps being doled out, my weak bladder mom could take a joke or two. Fortunately no regurgitation, urination and only a minuscule amount of butt lassitation took place.

New Year's quick re-cap. One of my boys from home came up, and about 7 of us went out, a mix of guys and girls. Went to a hookah bar, with a pretty mixed crowd, and by mixed I mean Ethiopian mixed not black and white mixed, it was pretty cool, lost my favorite winter hat, but just chalked it up to obviously the hat didn't make the 2009 cut, oh well. Alright I'm tired of typing, probably go get some food and type a little more later....happy new year

okay so now I have a job

well I would love to make this post longer and go on and on, but I just got a new job so Im off to go celebrate, the way Americans do, with ale, hops, and some oprah book clubbery

okay so I dont have a job right now...

Okay, so judging by the title of this post you are lead to think one of two things. 1- he does not have a job right now, and 2-whats the capital of Illinois. I won't go into the exact details of it, but know I was not fired. Long story short, I don't work for the company I used to.

So when I share this information with people in my life, hobos, vagabonds, and the gypsies I travel with I get this response first each time. Ouch man, sorry to hear that. Or, whoa, in this economy, that's tough. I read stories about people being let go, folks getting laid off, and I understand that times are tough right now, I understand that sometimes we get a raw deal. I fully get that, however, this is what trumps that in my personal opinion....Pick yourself up, mourn it out for a second and get back on that horse. At this time, that's all I have to say about this matter.

However let me get down to some quick updates. Holiday season, and damn if people don't get all over the top about it, but I'll tell you who won't... this guy. So last night me and The Lady are sitting at the table eating dinner and she's talking to me about something or other about the Christmas lights and going to see them. Apparently it was soaked all over my face that I was luke warm to the idea, cause it prompted her to say "babe, you really don't have much Christmas spirit". I don't know what would lead her to this frame of mind, other than such quotes by me as "I dont care about putting up lights" "I don't want to buy gifts" " I wish people would not buy me anything at all" "Ping Pally Wam Bam" and "wop it up wop it up". (Yes the last two are not real statements, just seeing if you were paying attention.) asides from those passing comments I love the holidays. All the stress, all the people killing folks in stores to get plastic toys, folks getting nervous about presents folks may never use, sweaters that don't fit. What's not to love??

Now before I steal your joy, or get 1000 posts on how Im Scrooge and all that, let me clarify. I like family, I like being around loved ones, I like telling stories and cracking jokes, I love it. Everything else...not so much, and yes I mean everything else. The same old songs every year, the same movies, the same stress. I mean really, I was born in 1982, you mean to tell me since then man has managed to invent the internet, elect a black president, invent self check out lines, keyless car start ups, the thong, and clone a sheep..yet no one has come up with any new Christmas songs? I mean really, still jingle bells, really, and what the heck is with the 12 days of Christmas!!!! what does that even mean? Jewish folks don't even celebrate Christmas and even their holiday is only 8 days, and what are the gifts their talking about. Milking maids, leaping lizards, partridges, pear trees?? It's as if a man on acid back in 1976 made some jingle while tripping FIVE GOLDEN RINGS...four calling birds...three french hens...I mean damn you just got four birds, and three hens on back to back days, so in theory you just got 7 new birds introduced into your home, and thats just on the 4th day. At that point I would call off the whole thing and be like, forget this, not to mention the partridge in the tree, so actually its 8 damn birds and its not even day 5. I'd cancel the whole thing, and be like thanks but no thanks, and get those damn maids out here, their making a mess.

In all seriousness I'm just cracking jokes so if you love that song, or caroling, or if your name is even Carol, yes I love you, and the little drummer boy, and all that jazz.

But honestly do you think when folks set out to celebrate the birth of Jesus, they meant 87 cent wrapping paper and Blu Ray discs....

yeah she's my wife

Let's just get to the chase on this one...

For work I have been doing a lot of traveling the last few weeks or so. Just this past weekend I was down in Alexandria, Louisiana (which is kind of tight as I live in Alexandria, Virginia...stalk away)(don't really stalk away The Lady would be pissed, and yes, I did follow a parenthesis with another). Anyway I'm down there with a co-worker from our San Diego office and we are looking for some food. Long story short we are lost, and I just pull over for directions at a gas station...AAAAND ACTION!

(Setting Dark Shady gas station in back woods Louisiana with me and my coworker, a very sweet California girl, a pretty girl, and very polite at that)

Me: Hey my man you know how I can get back to somewhere to eat?

At this point the adult I asked looks at me rolls his eyes and walks into the gas station... leaving a 10 year old boy with a HUGE camo jacket on to respond, with a soaking Lew easy anna accent...

Boy: WHAT! WHAT YOUWANNAEET?
ME:like a restaurant or something champ
Boy: (still yelling, caps lock is a pain to keep hitting, so just keep up) Ohh laik summcdonalds right?!?!
Me: no like an applebees
Boy: (still yelling) Oh like some chinese sit down get out right quick?!?!

at which point the man from earlier who ignored me comes up behind the boys, puts him in a headlock and drags him away by his heels, at which point immediately a new boy replaces him, where he came from I am still re-creating the night to try to figure that out. Mind you a new 10 year old is there while this other boy gets dragged off. Also the new boy is accompanied by a man drinking his beer from a bag practically doing the butterfly as he walks and they hit me with...

Man and Boy: what you need to do is leave here go in a box of turns and you'll be there?
Me: oh (as I think what the hell is a box of turns? I'm only accustomed to a sphere of yields, and an occasional hexagon of right on reds)

at this point the new boy is leaning forward to blatantly check out my co worker, smiling, winking and lip macking, while I at, the same time am leaning so far forward to block his view my cheek is about to fire off the horn if I inhale. Finally old man just comes out and goes...

M/B: "So what up, that yo wife?"
Me: thinking: really straight to wife fellas? not girl friend, fiancee', on and off again, late night discreet...really straight to wife? See but that's what you're supposed to think you newbie, what a man of this caliber is letting you know with that question is the following: I am a grimy somebody and have no shame in hitting on a woman who is here with you in any capacity, unless of course you two are legally bound by law as husband and wife, otherwise....sweetie what yo name is. So without thinking I hit him with "yeah fam, that's my wife" throw it in reverse as more man boy combo's start showing up Thriller style, from out of the Louisiana backwoods and just peeled out the damn gas station.

Aaand Cut!

P.S
now deepest apologies, as this was a pretty major event to me as it happened, however I hope its not one of those "had to be there" things in which event, my bad, if it helps you any, there were two dinosaurs there the whole time, a velociraptor, and a teradactyl (AHHHH WOW I SPELLED BOTH OF THOSE RIGHT THE FIRST TIME, NO RED UNDERLINES) and no, I am not some dinosaur afficionado, just got my "sound it out" on. and on that note, get back to work.

Nullified Contract

In the past twelve months, a grand total of 9 of my friends have been laid off. I got to thinking about this in lieu of recent events in my office. Monday (today is Wednesday, or maybe its not when you are reading this, but to serve as a timeline, I am writing this on a Wednesday and the events to be described took place on Monday). Monday, I decided to work from home, come to find out the President of the company is in town for an impromptu visit. Just so you know, he works in San Diego (for all new comers, I work in Virginia) apparently it was an un announced visit, and yadda yadda yadda, I could fill in a lot here about the course of the day, but I've got a lot of ground to cover here, so Ive got to just hit the main points of this story.

President shows up
people are in a panic
co-worker gets fired.

Okay, so you're all caught up, lesson 271 of living in grown up world: The Boss does not show up for drinks. If you my friend, are reading this, please know that you will be missed and you are a damn good guy. My deepest apologies to you and I genuinely wish we could have gotten to work together longer. Your humor, level head, and overall calm demeanor will be missed if by no one else, by me GO OBAMA.

So with my boy having been let go (non economy based) and thinking of my friends who have also been laid off or not had their contracts renewed in various fields, it really got me to thinking. Essentially, the agreement we make with America, or at least are sold upon is as follows. You go to college, get a degree, get a job, procreate the species. Long as you don't go committing felonies or appear on a reality show the country will provide a good job for you and you will play your part. It is the quintessential question of our youth as American kids: "what do you want to be when you grow up?". A question asked so often that it is no longer a question but rather an assumption. An assumption that upon making a plan, and working towards that you will be rewarded with said career...but if it were only that simple.

As I recently turned 26 I realized I am more and more an adult versus a really old teenager, or something closely resembling that. And as I look around (yeah yeah I started a sentence with and, soo mee, at leest I cun spellll) I notice more and more of my friends reaching the points in their lives in which they are now to be rewarded that almighty "job" they have been dutifully trained to recieve. Yet, sadly, America is dropping the ball.

We are being asked, as a generation, to establish a strong foothold, a foundation if you will. In the toughest of economic times in 70 years. We are the smartest set of students this nation has ever birthed. We are the first generation of internet kids entering the work force. We are indeed a force of our own, look at what our generation has come privy to and the advances and places we will be fortunate enough to go. Touch screens, holograms, laptop, text message, wifi, and just think how much of this stuff wasn't even in vouge just 5 years ago. We are the Jetsons you all, I repeat, we are the Jetsons. But with all that being said, with all our great splendor and mind power... we have the least jobs available, and we have the least opportunity? Lay offs at 25, 26, and 27? What? with a college degree, and working in your field, that's not how the agreement goes.

I won't wax on further about policies and my personal ideologies, not cause I don't want to, but because chances are you are at work, and I'm not trying to get you too off track.

But my basic point is this. America: we are here, and its time to pony up.

Bus Driver Break Up

Alright, so since I last wrote a lot has gone down on my morning 28B route to the office. It should be noted that when I ride the bus, I sit all the way in the front. Not to make some sort of stirring political move or anything, but its rather to look like a nerd with no friends as I read my books (no seriously). Any way, so in doing this I have seemed to strike up a bond with my morning bus driver, she calls me "Virginia Beach" as that's where I'm from and I call her "Bus Driver" well in honesty I don't even call her that, I just look at her when I talk to her to avoid the awkwardness of calling her by her profession as her name.

Now for whatever reason, she had started to give me curbside service. Meaning that when all the other people got off the bus she would tell me to sit still, wait for them to all get off then she would personally drive me the additional 7 blocks and drop me off right at my job. She told me it was the last stop and she had no problem driving me down the street while she was off duty, that it was on her way. I suppose now is a good time to point out that the same Bus Driver has a pretty down right nasty attitude when it comes to dealing with, well, how can I put this... humans. She snaps at all the other patrons, rolls her eyes, sometimes misses stops and blames it on the people, some would go as far as to say she's not that good at her job, but hey I get that curbside, so I won't be the one to say that. I'll be the one to write it in a blog that she will never read, like a real man.

So one day, while she's taking me on my private shuttle, some Bus Czar stops her. I mean you had to see this, in the middle of the road a short pudgy black dude wearing a bus driver suit and one of those orange 'don't hit me' safety patrol things. Steps out and puts his up, commanding the bus to stop. Then my man climbs on board, and rips into Bus Driver Lady. Imagine a tiny little, pudgy, nerdy, Bus Czar (again writing all this in a blog Bus Czar will never read) he came at her with: " You know you didn't stop at that last red light, you're following too close, why are you wearing those shoes, where is your employee hand book, it should be on you yadda yadda yadda" I mean he just lit into her, and where am I sitting while this is happening, front seat, oh, yes it's way awkward. Then he cranes his neck around and gives me the grossest of looks and says "... and why is this person on your bus when you're off duty?!". She tells him I'm her cousin, and had he had any sense he would have just had to ask me to say her name and the gig would have been up, cause Im damn certain my guess of Bussdrivanika was wrong. I tried to smooth things over by telling him "Hey man I'll get off I'm not trying to make any trouble" to which he spat back "Naw go on and stay now, you done caused enough trouble as is".

Needless to say, I don't get that curb side anymore.

But something more pressing had been happening that I wasn't paying attention to. The Bus Driver had been getting to my bus stop later and later each day. But it wasn't a big deal cause I was getting, that curb side so it made up for it. But now that that curb side was gone, her coming late really was killing me. Then it started getting colder, and her running late was just getting down right mean. Pretty soon I started sitting in the back, and just like that we weren't talking anymore. I stopped getting off at the front door, as to avoid her glare. Her response...just come later, and later, and later. Till finally I just started catching a new bus and driving on occasion 25A is my new ride. I left 28B without so much as a good bye, sometimes I see it go by when I'm around the apartment and I remember the fun, the front, and that oh so precious curb side, but that was then, and this is now, I feel as though its better this way.

This morning though while driving, I pulled up at the light, and I promise you good old 28B pulled up right next to me. I waved, and Bus Driver waved back, she opened her window and shouted "oh so you DRIVE now?!" as if to say, oh and this is how I find out, here at this light, in front of all my friends!! I just nodded and zoomed away at the green.

Vamp Much

Maybe I'm buggin, but what is the deal with all the vampires lately?!? I mean really, what is the deal? No really, I am going to keep typing this question until I get an answer, what is the deal--okay I suppose you get the point: I do not know the deal with vampires.

Between HBO's new hit True Blood, the Twilight movie/book phenomenon, halloween just passing (interesting note you should be aware of, I didn't know if halloween was capital letter level or not, but just to play it safe I voted not). People can not seem to get enough of the blood suckers, which I suppose is fine by me, but then again its not...

Now I pride myself in being a pretty liberal guy, pretty down with a lot of things. But this vampire stuff, nah, I'm not that cool with it. I was all about Harry Potter, even wish I could play Quidditch with him and his boys. However, at no point do I think drinking blood is okay, I don't even think its cool to open up the discussion as to whether its an acceptable new cool thing.

For adults and folks my age, you go right ahead and make your own choices, but in a day in which men cut other mens heads off on buses. When kids actively shoot up schools, put babies in microwaves, play games that promote murder, drop out of high school at an alarming rate. Blood sucking, immortal, night dwellars, who may or may not pledge their allegiance to Satan. Are not the newest catchphrase we need to be inserting into our children's lexicon. Am I some purist or religious right zealot. Yeah right. However I am someone who notices straight foolishness when I see it.

I'll step down from this soapbox as I'm aware this isn't my usual tone, but I did want to get that off my chest. 

Take 2

Okay so let me start right away by saying, no I was not gone, and did not give up on the blog or get too busy with life yadda yadda yadda. I made a point to stop writing during the last leg of the election. My reason being, it was all that everyone around me was talking about, therefore it would have been all that I wrote about, and while I did have a many things to say, I felt that in the mix of everyone talking about the election on the TV, in the paper, online, radio, my voice would have just blended into the river of overkill. 

So now that Barack Obama has won the highest seat in the land.....I'm Back.

sometimes i just stay up late

Maybe, it's still a part of me that wants to hold on to being able to stay up as late as I can. Maybe I really do like falling a sleep on the couch after years of dosing off on the couch throughout college and high school. I could maybe list a hundred more reasons, but whatever path I would chose to navigate to help paint the metaphor for you, they would all lead to this, right here, and this, is me up at 12:41 writing to you, while you're bored at work.

The Lady works for a hospital (NOT A NURSE) she would be proud that I made that known. In layman's terms here is what she does. Flies around on a little baby helicopter and comes up with new possible state capitals for Michigan, Illinois, and Idaho. Actually, she does nothing of the sort, but that makes more sense than if I tried to explain what she does, so just know at the end of the day, more people are alive because of what she does.... and Boise had better watch out (its a really good joke, scroll back to the state capital reference, check out the Idaho, then respect the Boise-ahh nevermind, it was funny to me). 

In any event The Lady went to bed a few hours ago, which is fine, she works ten hour shifts. For whatever reason, I really love the quiet time I get in the evenings. Not in a "I love that she's not around" as much as it is a quaint time to just run with my random thoughts of the day. At a different time, I would spend this time rolling up some weed and playing Madden. Followed by passing out and laughing. However the baton has been passed to reading books and fantasy football. 

Speaking of which, has there ever been a more nerdy thing for you to try and explain to your girl as fantasy football..."No see babe, I have my own pretend team of guys from every team, but so does everyone else, and we take the stats of everyone, then add them as if they were on our own magic, all inclusive team etc etc yadda it's really cool!" Fellas, your best bet is to breathe it out suck it up, embrace the nerdatiy of it and just ask her to hold on for a few months.

I've started to notice the shuffle of cards that is combined living. Having always lived with roomates, all of whom, with one exception were male. Decorating, and all in all "caring about your place" meant nothing to me. However now that I'm here now and have a pretty decent spot, furniture, and shop for food, I have a whole new sense of "can you put a coaster down". The cards start to mix, most noticeably when we go shopping for food. As all the name brands, and flavored meals of my youth become the first thing my subconscious reaches for instinctively. And when she looks at me like "what is that" my first thought is...what is this? what is this? this is good eats right here woman, this here is what got me to be the man I am today, that happens to have eaten this his whole life, helped to get me to where I am to where I am!, which for the record is still aisle 9 on a mad man rant. Practically at this point I'm fighting  back tears just cause the woman has never heard of JIFFY cornbread. When two aisles later she makes some demand about an instant mashed potato I don't know anything about, first thing I say to her is "what is that?". Graciously, ever the lady, she responds, "its good babe". And amazingly thats all the convincing I need. 

So now it's 1 am and my apartment complex is set up as two 26 story high rise styles that face one another. For whatever reason, the later into the night it gets, I find a silent joy in opening the curtains, or going on the balcony, and seeing less lights on in the other building from my previous check. As if now, even at 26 I'm still playing the I stayed up later than you game. Sometimes if it gets too late I'll rationalize that not all the lights are people still up, some have dozed off on the couch with the light on, and others just leave it on for comfort, so obviously I have outlasted even more mere "sleep needers" suckers.

Alright I could keep going, at this point, but I'm sure you've got an email to send, or a client to update, or some sort of something you had no idea you would be doing 5 years ago, and if you don't make something up. How dare you try to steal my over dramatic witty attempt at a clever closing. 

You get back to that file, as I watch some "sleepy head" on the 16th floor turn out the lights... victory. Another one bites the dust.

In Actuality

Having moved to a larger area it seems to me that lately a new wave of compassion has been slowly taking over me. A wave of thought that perhaps had previously escaped me, or to better phrase it, a wave of thought that was foreign to me. Nonetheless it is upon me now, and to be honest, it is upon me heavily.

In interacting with so many people day to day, walking around my apartment complex, riding the bus, walking the streets etc. I see a lot of the same something in people's faces, better yet, I see the same lack of something. It is the look of lower middle to middle America meandering along through their days. It is the look of "today is the most important day, and as long as I can get through it I will be ok". I see it on the face of the Hispanic man on the bus in the morning with a homemade cast, held together with a bandana and a shoestring. I see it on the face of the bus driver who two weeks ago gave me the scowl of a lifetime when boarding the bus, but now is glad to talk to me about her search for a new home for her and her two kids. I see it on the face of the mother walking the streets with one kid in a stroller and another holding her hand, the same hand that lacks a wedding ring.  I get on the bus, in the morning, and I don't see neckties and white collars, but more paint splattered jeans, and people leaving job A, heading to job B. 

They train you early that its black, and its white. As a black person, we especially train ourselves to think that it is us, and it is them, but here, everyday I have come to realize more and more that its quite a bit larger than that. I've got a bunch of rich friends, well dressed, well spoken, college educated, savy, up on politics, sports and all the latest trends. I also am the son of a father who currently at 48 has had two strokes, is an alcoholic, marijuana fiend, who lives sternly from check to check, often times coming very short. So please believe, I understand. For years I thought that perhaps Dread  (what I call my father, as he has long flowing dreadlocks) was a rare instance , him and his friends, an outlier on the bell curve of society. Him and his rag tag set of friends, quick to blaze up, even quicker to drink up, and quickest to the strip club with a story about last night that would leave you laughing, and slightly shy to listen. I used to think that perhaps, by and large most folks lived like my other friends, like the ones I was accustomed to in the safe and soundness of middle to upper middle America. Or perhaps I knew all along that this was the life of many, but just was hoping for otherwise.

Truth is, people are struggling. Truth is, people have been struggling, and truth is people will stay struggling. I get off the bus, leaving behind those looking forward to a cash advance, or a money order to pay their bills cause they don't have bank accounts and nothing works better than cash in hand. I get off the bus, take a few steps, and like magic, I'm closer to my office and surrounded by the bluetooth's and the Banana Republic sale bags, Ipod's and hipster lingo. I get off the bus, and I feel at home, safe again. Safe to talk about last nights game or gripe about some random hassle that I have been assigned at work. I get off the bus, but I still feel the people sitting in the back. I still see the kids waiting for the community college stop, and the moms with no dads, the first generations just mastering English. I get off the bus, and leave the sea of sadness, feeling guilty, and at the same time I wish I could stay longer. If only to hear each and every persons story, to understand what they are going through,  and what they wish they could be.

Call it sugary I really could care less. I just wanted to put it out there that the world is big, and people are struggling. Struggling to pay rent, and fill up gas tanks, to eat food, and they aren't the first, and they won't be the last. Big cities gobble up dreams left and right, see I used to hope that maybe only Dread and his buddies had lost their dreams. Maybe I could have dealt with that, I could have faced it cause I knew that at least I made them happy, by telling them about college, and school and the things they wanted to do. I could have dealt with a few folks not getting out of life what they bargained for, long as I could help out. Sadly I was wrong, cause they aren't the only ones. 

It's a dog eat dog world out there.

"...Im just robbin to eat/

and there's at least a 1000 other like me mobbin the street/

when we starvin we eat/

whatevers there/

come on you know the code in the street/

whatever's fair..."

"Get at Me Dog" DMX

dirty thoughts

it has come to my notice lately just how sexually charged our culture is by and large. on the surface it would surprise (i wont be using capital letters for this point by the way, no real reason just don't like reaching my pinky all the way over there for shift).

me and the lady were on our way back home from something or other and noticed an adult video store. its a few blocks from our apartment and i have never given much thought to it, however she pointed out, rather surprised, at how large the store was. i had never given any thought to how large the store was till she said that. granted the place is two stores, and roughly the size of a kids r us (not a toy r us, those things are huge) anyhow it got me to thinking, thinking quite a bit for that matter. i pointed out to her that this is not something out of the norm in a large city, or in america for that matter. i quickly pointed out to her that i used to work in a movie rental store and our most rented movies were the porno's. by far.

i remembered back to being 19 and working at the store, and having the same initial shock as the lady had the other night. i remember middle class mothers dropping off the XXX rated films in the drop box, and the college guys roaming around the back porn room with open eyes. i remember the new to america immigrants shuffling in the store and darting straight to the back, amazed with the blonde bombshell american beauties who would go to any lengths to satisfy their well endowed "all american" male, and sometimes, female counterparts. i remember how one thing remained true over and over, whether young or old, black, white, hispanic, greek, russian or what have you, while the new releases and the 5.99 bin appealed to folks of varied interest, the porn room, in the back appealed to pretty much everyone.

that back room had a camera installed so that we could keep an eye on the people in there while they made their selections. even as i write this i can remember vividly watching people spend up to 45 minutes in there just spellbound by the covers of the films alone. what surprised me most then, was not the fact that so many people were drawn to the back room, but the ease at which so many unsuspecting people could pick out a film and bring it to me, a total stranger and be about their business. yes, i could go on at this point about the number of foolish porn titles and various weird tastes of my common man but i'll save that for a conversation over drinks, that within itself is a story best told face to face rather than online. i would sit and watch these people and wonder, wow, is it that serious? apparently it was, and apparently it still is.

i can say with all honesty that i have never been into porn, not necessarily from a moral high ground, but just out of personal interest. to me, if you were starving and had not eaten, or were just hungry for that matter, what sense would it make to watch other people eat, when you could just go get something to eat for yourself? although i am not the porn aficionado myself, i do understand the draw of it all. nudity, even at its most base level has a certain draw and taboo to it, even adam hid in the garden from God upon his discovery of being naked. 

nonetheless, it just lead me to think so much about how much and important sex is in 2008. my generation perhaps more so than any other before us has grown up in such a sexualized culture, some of it perverse and some of it traditional. think about the fact that so many "celebrities" all have sex tapes that get "leaked" often times these leaks are to boost their popularity and get their name turning up in search engines. read: paris hilton, an already established multi millionaire heiress in waiting who had a full fledged romp leak on the internet only to parlay that moment of false em bare ass ment (pretty witty) into an even higher level of stardom, tv shows, albums, movies even references from presidential candidate's. it subtly teaches the praise of sex and what it can get you, and where it can lead. remember the thong song, hell, i'll even admit that before that song came out i had no idea as to what a thong was, now, i would consider myself not only a fan, but a full fledged supporter. 

we once did not allow kissing on screen in movies, when just as recently as sunday me and the lady watched the new hbo series "true blood" and there were graphic scenes of vampires having sex with humans, and this was on tv before 11pm. 

i am not the moral right, nor am i here to lambaste or challenge those with their fetishes, i could go on and on, and i think i might actually post a few more in regards to this, but please give me some comments or feedback, i'll further answer questions or do any research asked upon, i just want to hear your thoughts on some of the following...

what are your thoughts on sex in america? sex in the workplace? sex parties? swinging? gay/lesbianism? threesomes? masturbating? online dating/sex? cyber sex? fisting? porn?sex on screen, and in music? premarital sex?  positions etc, hit me up let me know, and ill address, not as a creep, but in an attempt to learn.