okay so now I have a job

well I would love to make this post longer and go on and on, but I just got a new job so Im off to go celebrate, the way Americans do, with ale, hops, and some oprah book clubbery

okay so I dont have a job right now...

Okay, so judging by the title of this post you are lead to think one of two things. 1- he does not have a job right now, and 2-whats the capital of Illinois. I won't go into the exact details of it, but know I was not fired. Long story short, I don't work for the company I used to.

So when I share this information with people in my life, hobos, vagabonds, and the gypsies I travel with I get this response first each time. Ouch man, sorry to hear that. Or, whoa, in this economy, that's tough. I read stories about people being let go, folks getting laid off, and I understand that times are tough right now, I understand that sometimes we get a raw deal. I fully get that, however, this is what trumps that in my personal opinion....Pick yourself up, mourn it out for a second and get back on that horse. At this time, that's all I have to say about this matter.

However let me get down to some quick updates. Holiday season, and damn if people don't get all over the top about it, but I'll tell you who won't... this guy. So last night me and The Lady are sitting at the table eating dinner and she's talking to me about something or other about the Christmas lights and going to see them. Apparently it was soaked all over my face that I was luke warm to the idea, cause it prompted her to say "babe, you really don't have much Christmas spirit". I don't know what would lead her to this frame of mind, other than such quotes by me as "I dont care about putting up lights" "I don't want to buy gifts" " I wish people would not buy me anything at all" "Ping Pally Wam Bam" and "wop it up wop it up". (Yes the last two are not real statements, just seeing if you were paying attention.) asides from those passing comments I love the holidays. All the stress, all the people killing folks in stores to get plastic toys, folks getting nervous about presents folks may never use, sweaters that don't fit. What's not to love??

Now before I steal your joy, or get 1000 posts on how Im Scrooge and all that, let me clarify. I like family, I like being around loved ones, I like telling stories and cracking jokes, I love it. Everything else...not so much, and yes I mean everything else. The same old songs every year, the same movies, the same stress. I mean really, I was born in 1982, you mean to tell me since then man has managed to invent the internet, elect a black president, invent self check out lines, keyless car start ups, the thong, and clone a sheep..yet no one has come up with any new Christmas songs? I mean really, still jingle bells, really, and what the heck is with the 12 days of Christmas!!!! what does that even mean? Jewish folks don't even celebrate Christmas and even their holiday is only 8 days, and what are the gifts their talking about. Milking maids, leaping lizards, partridges, pear trees?? It's as if a man on acid back in 1976 made some jingle while tripping FIVE GOLDEN RINGS...four calling birds...three french hens...I mean damn you just got four birds, and three hens on back to back days, so in theory you just got 7 new birds introduced into your home, and thats just on the 4th day. At that point I would call off the whole thing and be like, forget this, not to mention the partridge in the tree, so actually its 8 damn birds and its not even day 5. I'd cancel the whole thing, and be like thanks but no thanks, and get those damn maids out here, their making a mess.

In all seriousness I'm just cracking jokes so if you love that song, or caroling, or if your name is even Carol, yes I love you, and the little drummer boy, and all that jazz.

But honestly do you think when folks set out to celebrate the birth of Jesus, they meant 87 cent wrapping paper and Blu Ray discs....

yeah she's my wife

Let's just get to the chase on this one...

For work I have been doing a lot of traveling the last few weeks or so. Just this past weekend I was down in Alexandria, Louisiana (which is kind of tight as I live in Alexandria, Virginia...stalk away)(don't really stalk away The Lady would be pissed, and yes, I did follow a parenthesis with another). Anyway I'm down there with a co-worker from our San Diego office and we are looking for some food. Long story short we are lost, and I just pull over for directions at a gas station...AAAAND ACTION!

(Setting Dark Shady gas station in back woods Louisiana with me and my coworker, a very sweet California girl, a pretty girl, and very polite at that)

Me: Hey my man you know how I can get back to somewhere to eat?

At this point the adult I asked looks at me rolls his eyes and walks into the gas station... leaving a 10 year old boy with a HUGE camo jacket on to respond, with a soaking Lew easy anna accent...

Boy: WHAT! WHAT YOUWANNAEET?
ME:like a restaurant or something champ
Boy: (still yelling, caps lock is a pain to keep hitting, so just keep up) Ohh laik summcdonalds right?!?!
Me: no like an applebees
Boy: (still yelling) Oh like some chinese sit down get out right quick?!?!

at which point the man from earlier who ignored me comes up behind the boys, puts him in a headlock and drags him away by his heels, at which point immediately a new boy replaces him, where he came from I am still re-creating the night to try to figure that out. Mind you a new 10 year old is there while this other boy gets dragged off. Also the new boy is accompanied by a man drinking his beer from a bag practically doing the butterfly as he walks and they hit me with...

Man and Boy: what you need to do is leave here go in a box of turns and you'll be there?
Me: oh (as I think what the hell is a box of turns? I'm only accustomed to a sphere of yields, and an occasional hexagon of right on reds)

at this point the new boy is leaning forward to blatantly check out my co worker, smiling, winking and lip macking, while I at, the same time am leaning so far forward to block his view my cheek is about to fire off the horn if I inhale. Finally old man just comes out and goes...

M/B: "So what up, that yo wife?"
Me: thinking: really straight to wife fellas? not girl friend, fiancee', on and off again, late night discreet...really straight to wife? See but that's what you're supposed to think you newbie, what a man of this caliber is letting you know with that question is the following: I am a grimy somebody and have no shame in hitting on a woman who is here with you in any capacity, unless of course you two are legally bound by law as husband and wife, otherwise....sweetie what yo name is. So without thinking I hit him with "yeah fam, that's my wife" throw it in reverse as more man boy combo's start showing up Thriller style, from out of the Louisiana backwoods and just peeled out the damn gas station.

Aaand Cut!

P.S
now deepest apologies, as this was a pretty major event to me as it happened, however I hope its not one of those "had to be there" things in which event, my bad, if it helps you any, there were two dinosaurs there the whole time, a velociraptor, and a teradactyl (AHHHH WOW I SPELLED BOTH OF THOSE RIGHT THE FIRST TIME, NO RED UNDERLINES) and no, I am not some dinosaur afficionado, just got my "sound it out" on. and on that note, get back to work.

Nullified Contract

In the past twelve months, a grand total of 9 of my friends have been laid off. I got to thinking about this in lieu of recent events in my office. Monday (today is Wednesday, or maybe its not when you are reading this, but to serve as a timeline, I am writing this on a Wednesday and the events to be described took place on Monday). Monday, I decided to work from home, come to find out the President of the company is in town for an impromptu visit. Just so you know, he works in San Diego (for all new comers, I work in Virginia) apparently it was an un announced visit, and yadda yadda yadda, I could fill in a lot here about the course of the day, but I've got a lot of ground to cover here, so Ive got to just hit the main points of this story.

President shows up
people are in a panic
co-worker gets fired.

Okay, so you're all caught up, lesson 271 of living in grown up world: The Boss does not show up for drinks. If you my friend, are reading this, please know that you will be missed and you are a damn good guy. My deepest apologies to you and I genuinely wish we could have gotten to work together longer. Your humor, level head, and overall calm demeanor will be missed if by no one else, by me GO OBAMA.

So with my boy having been let go (non economy based) and thinking of my friends who have also been laid off or not had their contracts renewed in various fields, it really got me to thinking. Essentially, the agreement we make with America, or at least are sold upon is as follows. You go to college, get a degree, get a job, procreate the species. Long as you don't go committing felonies or appear on a reality show the country will provide a good job for you and you will play your part. It is the quintessential question of our youth as American kids: "what do you want to be when you grow up?". A question asked so often that it is no longer a question but rather an assumption. An assumption that upon making a plan, and working towards that you will be rewarded with said career...but if it were only that simple.

As I recently turned 26 I realized I am more and more an adult versus a really old teenager, or something closely resembling that. And as I look around (yeah yeah I started a sentence with and, soo mee, at leest I cun spellll) I notice more and more of my friends reaching the points in their lives in which they are now to be rewarded that almighty "job" they have been dutifully trained to recieve. Yet, sadly, America is dropping the ball.

We are being asked, as a generation, to establish a strong foothold, a foundation if you will. In the toughest of economic times in 70 years. We are the smartest set of students this nation has ever birthed. We are the first generation of internet kids entering the work force. We are indeed a force of our own, look at what our generation has come privy to and the advances and places we will be fortunate enough to go. Touch screens, holograms, laptop, text message, wifi, and just think how much of this stuff wasn't even in vouge just 5 years ago. We are the Jetsons you all, I repeat, we are the Jetsons. But with all that being said, with all our great splendor and mind power... we have the least jobs available, and we have the least opportunity? Lay offs at 25, 26, and 27? What? with a college degree, and working in your field, that's not how the agreement goes.

I won't wax on further about policies and my personal ideologies, not cause I don't want to, but because chances are you are at work, and I'm not trying to get you too off track.

But my basic point is this. America: we are here, and its time to pony up.

Bus Driver Break Up

Alright, so since I last wrote a lot has gone down on my morning 28B route to the office. It should be noted that when I ride the bus, I sit all the way in the front. Not to make some sort of stirring political move or anything, but its rather to look like a nerd with no friends as I read my books (no seriously). Any way, so in doing this I have seemed to strike up a bond with my morning bus driver, she calls me "Virginia Beach" as that's where I'm from and I call her "Bus Driver" well in honesty I don't even call her that, I just look at her when I talk to her to avoid the awkwardness of calling her by her profession as her name.

Now for whatever reason, she had started to give me curbside service. Meaning that when all the other people got off the bus she would tell me to sit still, wait for them to all get off then she would personally drive me the additional 7 blocks and drop me off right at my job. She told me it was the last stop and she had no problem driving me down the street while she was off duty, that it was on her way. I suppose now is a good time to point out that the same Bus Driver has a pretty down right nasty attitude when it comes to dealing with, well, how can I put this... humans. She snaps at all the other patrons, rolls her eyes, sometimes misses stops and blames it on the people, some would go as far as to say she's not that good at her job, but hey I get that curbside, so I won't be the one to say that. I'll be the one to write it in a blog that she will never read, like a real man.

So one day, while she's taking me on my private shuttle, some Bus Czar stops her. I mean you had to see this, in the middle of the road a short pudgy black dude wearing a bus driver suit and one of those orange 'don't hit me' safety patrol things. Steps out and puts his up, commanding the bus to stop. Then my man climbs on board, and rips into Bus Driver Lady. Imagine a tiny little, pudgy, nerdy, Bus Czar (again writing all this in a blog Bus Czar will never read) he came at her with: " You know you didn't stop at that last red light, you're following too close, why are you wearing those shoes, where is your employee hand book, it should be on you yadda yadda yadda" I mean he just lit into her, and where am I sitting while this is happening, front seat, oh, yes it's way awkward. Then he cranes his neck around and gives me the grossest of looks and says "... and why is this person on your bus when you're off duty?!". She tells him I'm her cousin, and had he had any sense he would have just had to ask me to say her name and the gig would have been up, cause Im damn certain my guess of Bussdrivanika was wrong. I tried to smooth things over by telling him "Hey man I'll get off I'm not trying to make any trouble" to which he spat back "Naw go on and stay now, you done caused enough trouble as is".

Needless to say, I don't get that curb side anymore.

But something more pressing had been happening that I wasn't paying attention to. The Bus Driver had been getting to my bus stop later and later each day. But it wasn't a big deal cause I was getting, that curb side so it made up for it. But now that that curb side was gone, her coming late really was killing me. Then it started getting colder, and her running late was just getting down right mean. Pretty soon I started sitting in the back, and just like that we weren't talking anymore. I stopped getting off at the front door, as to avoid her glare. Her response...just come later, and later, and later. Till finally I just started catching a new bus and driving on occasion 25A is my new ride. I left 28B without so much as a good bye, sometimes I see it go by when I'm around the apartment and I remember the fun, the front, and that oh so precious curb side, but that was then, and this is now, I feel as though its better this way.

This morning though while driving, I pulled up at the light, and I promise you good old 28B pulled up right next to me. I waved, and Bus Driver waved back, she opened her window and shouted "oh so you DRIVE now?!" as if to say, oh and this is how I find out, here at this light, in front of all my friends!! I just nodded and zoomed away at the green.

Vamp Much

Maybe I'm buggin, but what is the deal with all the vampires lately?!? I mean really, what is the deal? No really, I am going to keep typing this question until I get an answer, what is the deal--okay I suppose you get the point: I do not know the deal with vampires.

Between HBO's new hit True Blood, the Twilight movie/book phenomenon, halloween just passing (interesting note you should be aware of, I didn't know if halloween was capital letter level or not, but just to play it safe I voted not). People can not seem to get enough of the blood suckers, which I suppose is fine by me, but then again its not...

Now I pride myself in being a pretty liberal guy, pretty down with a lot of things. But this vampire stuff, nah, I'm not that cool with it. I was all about Harry Potter, even wish I could play Quidditch with him and his boys. However, at no point do I think drinking blood is okay, I don't even think its cool to open up the discussion as to whether its an acceptable new cool thing.

For adults and folks my age, you go right ahead and make your own choices, but in a day in which men cut other mens heads off on buses. When kids actively shoot up schools, put babies in microwaves, play games that promote murder, drop out of high school at an alarming rate. Blood sucking, immortal, night dwellars, who may or may not pledge their allegiance to Satan. Are not the newest catchphrase we need to be inserting into our children's lexicon. Am I some purist or religious right zealot. Yeah right. However I am someone who notices straight foolishness when I see it.

I'll step down from this soapbox as I'm aware this isn't my usual tone, but I did want to get that off my chest. 

Take 2

Okay so let me start right away by saying, no I was not gone, and did not give up on the blog or get too busy with life yadda yadda yadda. I made a point to stop writing during the last leg of the election. My reason being, it was all that everyone around me was talking about, therefore it would have been all that I wrote about, and while I did have a many things to say, I felt that in the mix of everyone talking about the election on the TV, in the paper, online, radio, my voice would have just blended into the river of overkill. 

So now that Barack Obama has won the highest seat in the land.....I'm Back.