yeah she's my wife

Let's just get to the chase on this one...

For work I have been doing a lot of traveling the last few weeks or so. Just this past weekend I was down in Alexandria, Louisiana (which is kind of tight as I live in Alexandria, Virginia...stalk away)(don't really stalk away The Lady would be pissed, and yes, I did follow a parenthesis with another). Anyway I'm down there with a co-worker from our San Diego office and we are looking for some food. Long story short we are lost, and I just pull over for directions at a gas station...AAAAND ACTION!

(Setting Dark Shady gas station in back woods Louisiana with me and my coworker, a very sweet California girl, a pretty girl, and very polite at that)

Me: Hey my man you know how I can get back to somewhere to eat?

At this point the adult I asked looks at me rolls his eyes and walks into the gas station... leaving a 10 year old boy with a HUGE camo jacket on to respond, with a soaking Lew easy anna accent...

Boy: WHAT! WHAT YOUWANNAEET?
ME:like a restaurant or something champ
Boy: (still yelling, caps lock is a pain to keep hitting, so just keep up) Ohh laik summcdonalds right?!?!
Me: no like an applebees
Boy: (still yelling) Oh like some chinese sit down get out right quick?!?!

at which point the man from earlier who ignored me comes up behind the boys, puts him in a headlock and drags him away by his heels, at which point immediately a new boy replaces him, where he came from I am still re-creating the night to try to figure that out. Mind you a new 10 year old is there while this other boy gets dragged off. Also the new boy is accompanied by a man drinking his beer from a bag practically doing the butterfly as he walks and they hit me with...

Man and Boy: what you need to do is leave here go in a box of turns and you'll be there?
Me: oh (as I think what the hell is a box of turns? I'm only accustomed to a sphere of yields, and an occasional hexagon of right on reds)

at this point the new boy is leaning forward to blatantly check out my co worker, smiling, winking and lip macking, while I at, the same time am leaning so far forward to block his view my cheek is about to fire off the horn if I inhale. Finally old man just comes out and goes...

M/B: "So what up, that yo wife?"
Me: thinking: really straight to wife fellas? not girl friend, fiancee', on and off again, late night discreet...really straight to wife? See but that's what you're supposed to think you newbie, what a man of this caliber is letting you know with that question is the following: I am a grimy somebody and have no shame in hitting on a woman who is here with you in any capacity, unless of course you two are legally bound by law as husband and wife, otherwise....sweetie what yo name is. So without thinking I hit him with "yeah fam, that's my wife" throw it in reverse as more man boy combo's start showing up Thriller style, from out of the Louisiana backwoods and just peeled out the damn gas station.

Aaand Cut!

P.S
now deepest apologies, as this was a pretty major event to me as it happened, however I hope its not one of those "had to be there" things in which event, my bad, if it helps you any, there were two dinosaurs there the whole time, a velociraptor, and a teradactyl (AHHHH WOW I SPELLED BOTH OF THOSE RIGHT THE FIRST TIME, NO RED UNDERLINES) and no, I am not some dinosaur afficionado, just got my "sound it out" on. and on that note, get back to work.