It's 1:44 a.m On Tuesday January 20th 2009 right now, and while there will be billions of words written about the events that are to take place today. Oh, the stories that will be told about today, the anecdotes, and memories, the I remember, the you should have seen, the my mother made me go's. I would just like to say the following...
Congratulations are in order, to America, and to all that have helped get us to where we are. Job well done, Yes We Did. Now go out there and give them a speech we'll be telling our grand kids about President Obama.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
my mother the cool
The year is young, but already with a bolt, my mother is staking her claim for "coolest person i know" title early. Allow me to plead my case if you will. I call her madre, so keep up, and no she is not Hispanic, I just call her Madre, in return she calls me hijo (son) pronounced e-ho, which is only slightly different from the way she types it to me in emails or has it in her phone: eho. I've told her it makes me sound like an electronic-ho, and that pointed out the right way to spell it to which she lets me know "thats how you spell it, this is how I spell it e ho". Shes the madre so I listen, but alas, back to my point. TANGENT ALERT, TANGENT ALERT again I repeat, tangent alert, I can smell it in the air, wait for it, wait for it...and HERE. I really, really appreciate, all of y'all that hit me up in passing to say you've been reading. And no, I'm not thanking you for reading, I am actually applauding your attention keeping skills, cause I go back through occasionally and read these things and half way through Im like what was he just talking about, oh thats right. So to all of you good job, I suppose it truly is amazing what you can do while bored at work, or while stalking it out a little. Right, back to madre....
Okay so just a mere two years ago good ole madre, was adamantly against text messaging. Would have a baffled face when I mentioned any social network site, and was plenty content with adding a new contact to her emails as "thing". Fast forward to 2009 and I present to you, the Blackberry toting, text messaging, facebook machine. Just to put it in perspective, she got me a bluetooth headset (my first one) after I didn't even ask for it, she was like, oh yeah, you'll love it. Did I mention she has her phone all set up to her car's bluetooth, bought my stepdad an iphone, then jokes him for not using it enough, or properly. And madre is becoming the facebook wizard. Although I will admit that it is rather funny to be on the phone with her while we are having a chat at the same time, she says out loud what shes typing then asks me how to send it, She's coming to my spot for the innauguration, and is all ready to hang out. I dont want you read this and think, oh goodness, some other woman trying to get fresh, It is safe to say that _ _ r _ _ _ _ is genuinely getting her cool swag up. (too many wierdos out there to put her name out there). It helps to have a mid twenty year old kid a daughter in high school and one in middle school to keep you up on whats what. I did about loose it when, while driving I heard her wake up from a nap to sing along to "weee oh wee oh weee oh weee oh wee" yes, the Lil Wayne and Bobby Valentino song, only to later say "did he just say Rodney King?" she says thats the only part she knows, and yes, that was the part she was walking around humming while making Christmas Eve dinner. And please, please don't get me started on her Beyonce love, I don't think one artist could better help galvanize any mother daughter relationship over the past 45 years, and yes I just pulled the number 45 out of the air. Anyway, Im about to get some food, text madre, then check out the pictures Im sure she posted of me are up. Y'all be sure to send your mother a nice little note, I hear stamps are 42 cents these days
Okay so just a mere two years ago good ole madre, was adamantly against text messaging. Would have a baffled face when I mentioned any social network site, and was plenty content with adding a new contact to her emails as "thing". Fast forward to 2009 and I present to you, the Blackberry toting, text messaging, facebook machine. Just to put it in perspective, she got me a bluetooth headset (my first one) after I didn't even ask for it, she was like, oh yeah, you'll love it. Did I mention she has her phone all set up to her car's bluetooth, bought my stepdad an iphone, then jokes him for not using it enough, or properly. And madre is becoming the facebook wizard. Although I will admit that it is rather funny to be on the phone with her while we are having a chat at the same time, she says out loud what shes typing then asks me how to send it, She's coming to my spot for the innauguration, and is all ready to hang out. I dont want you read this and think, oh goodness, some other woman trying to get fresh, It is safe to say that _ _ r _ _ _ _ is genuinely getting her cool swag up. (too many wierdos out there to put her name out there). It helps to have a mid twenty year old kid a daughter in high school and one in middle school to keep you up on whats what. I did about loose it when, while driving I heard her wake up from a nap to sing along to "weee oh wee oh weee oh weee oh wee" yes, the Lil Wayne and Bobby Valentino song, only to later say "did he just say Rodney King?" she says thats the only part she knows, and yes, that was the part she was walking around humming while making Christmas Eve dinner. And please, please don't get me started on her Beyonce love, I don't think one artist could better help galvanize any mother daughter relationship over the past 45 years, and yes I just pulled the number 45 out of the air. Anyway, Im about to get some food, text madre, then check out the pictures Im sure she posted of me are up. Y'all be sure to send your mother a nice little note, I hear stamps are 42 cents these days
new job update
Alright so Ive been absent for a bit cause the new job has been consuming a lot of my time and energy, so lets get up to speed.
So for those of you just clicking in, I am now an Assistant Director at a community center in the county of Fairfax. I've got a staff of 11 that I oversee and of the 11, 8 are a good 15 years my senior or so which is pretty chill. I do a bunch of stuff yadda yadda. But the more important thing I wanted to get to were to points.
Numero Uno. Speaking of which, for those of you who took Spanish in high school, you better get to dusting up on it, I say it all the time Spanish is the new internet (try stealing that phrase if you want, but this post is date and time stamped so I have proof I said it first) but just like you essentially do not NEED the internet to live, it sure does open up a lot of the world to you. The same can, and will be said for the country's "second" language. I try to throw in some espanol when I go to any retail chain where all the employees are speaking Spanish, it normally gets me one of two looks 1. "good stuff American boy" or 2. "just stop, please, this is bad". In any event, I give it a go...but no that's not what I was going to talk on.
I'm sitting at my desk on my first day at the Center, getting my workspace set up, going over the software, just all in all getting myself adjusted to my surroundings, when after about honestly 4 minutes, I looked at the clock, and was like "dang 3 more hours". Now here I am, been out of work for three weeks, begging to get back to work, excited about the new job and everything, but even then at my most prime urge, I was hour counting. Which got me thinking, am I the only one? Or are we just a whole set of folks steady walking around backwards counting the time till we are free. Cause I can tell you, I have worked some jobs, some I liked, some I loved, but anyway you put it, I was backwards counting. I mean full fledged pulling out my hand and counting on some ole "...2 o' clock, 3 o'clock, 4 o'clock.." and don't tell me I'm the only one to do the count and be like...what 6 hours?!?!? lemme try again "...2 o'clock, 3 o'clock, 4 o'clock..." That's cool and all when it's the waiter getting you a re-fill trying to get off after your table, cause she wants to watch American Idol, but its not really all that great when the Medic on his way to get you after that heart attack at 10:02 just text his girl friend at 9:59, "no matter what Ill be home in 15 minutes I been here 9 hours". Or the Surgeon looking at his schedule like "auggggh not another brain thing, thats 13 hours just down the drain". Speaking of hour counting, who else out there is counting off on their hands how much sleep they are about to forfeit for some more fun? I started this in college when 8, and 9 ams were my foe and drinking more was at stake, now I just sit on the couch staying up for staying up sake rationalizing it in my head " okay, if I go to bed in 30 minutes at 2 how much sleep will I get...2 o'clock, 3 o'clock, 4 o'clock..."
Now the second thing I want to bring up might not be so clean, but thats okay, and no I don't mean vulgar, I mean literally clean. I was at some training for the new gig and went to the bathroom and just as I stepped to the urinal I noticed a huge puddle of urine in front of the urinal so I just stepped over to the less puddled other urinal. Now to all you who have never been to a male public restroom, this, is, the norm. See, and it never bothers me unless, ohhhh I dont know? Maybe when I don't want to step in pee? Seriously its not as gross as it sounds, its actually a bit grosser, especially at sporting events and concerts, and theme parks, come to think of it yeah come to think of it theme parks are down right barn like. So much so that I could make a business that put down hay in men's restrooms at theme parks and that business could single handedly turn around the economy. It's not that men are gross, and can't hit a target right in front of them, ok, well thats part of it, but not as huge a part as you might think. My beef here is with the actual design of the urinal itself. The damn thing is just right there on the wall, made of porcelain (tough word to spell, note to self: poor ci layn) anyway. Would you think to yourself to even throw water right against a poor ci layn wall from six inches away and not expect to get some on yourself or at least the floor right there? Not to mention the whole fact you have to get close because the dude next to you might be the one, the one out of every 48 guys you catch gazing around, so you're all huddled up on this thing feeling your own pee splash on your hands just hoping no remains show up on your jeans, or khakis you dastardly steed you, and for your accomplishments what are you rewarded with? thats right, a nice puddle of urine from the previous 17 men to have been here before. I actually took the time to look up new urinals and that photo is apparently some new trendy one in Euroland or something. (note to all Americans Euroland is not some new theme park in L.A) it's in Orlando.
Okay Ive got some walking around to do, and I'm sure you've got some facebook stalking to get back too.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
two thousand and IX
Okay new year, let me just get right to you and say I'm not so big on resolutions, not because I feel as though I won't be able to keep them, but more so because I don't have the attention span to stick to something for that long. Normally I'll make a general goal for the year of things I'd like to get done within the next twelve months, like learn to cook an omelet (for the record omelet took me three guesses, and an eventual right click to spell it correctly omlette was where I was going with it) speaking of which (tangent alert, repeat, tangent alert, if you have a report to get back to or a paper that needs writing, go away now because this is a tangent alert) am I the only one that will try to respell the word again, the exact same way? as if the computer "heard" you wrong...nah nah computer, you see, I said OM-LETTE like the egg thing you flip...and the computer is thinking, yeah I know, and you said om-lete all wrong, that's what this function is for, not you to keep misspelling the word like tricking me into getting it wrong and quit spelling their wrong, its not going to change.. Okay where was I? Oh what the heck, lets go ahead and new paragraph it.
Alright, Ive got a lot to catch up on, but I'll probably break it up into two posts, one because I get tired of typing, the -v- key on my keyboard has been acting up so I have to SLAM on it to get it to type. Which can be alternatingly annoying (yes red line under alternatingly whatever) because I can sometimes go for a good 15 to 20 minutes with typing the letter after U, but sometimes Ill hit a patch where every third word I type has a post U slammer. Okay, so enough babble, for the new year a few things I would like to get done, should you have any methods by which to assist cool shoot me some advice or a suggestion.
1. Learn to make an omelet (would you believe I honestly spelled it wrong again)
2. Learn to spell omlette
3. Do the vegan thing for a month
4. Learn another language
5.Go to some more major sporting event
6. Find a church in the area
7. Read 40 books
There are a select one or two more, but thats enough for now. The books one was my major goal for 2008, not sure how close I came but I would say I was somewhere around 29 or so. If you have a recommendation for me here is what I like...a good story. Not so much into scary, gory, a murder mystery is fine, but often I can figure them out early, I will read historical, no sci fi, absolutely no romance, and will definitely read chic-lit. With that said I just got done reading The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao it was a 2007 Pulitzer award winner, I thought it was just so so. Right now I am alternating between Chuck Palahniuk's Choke (he's the guy who wrote Fight Club) and another book called Lucifer's Flood by a nice middle aged red head woman, Im too lazy to go get the book and read her name, or even google the title for that matter. And no, it isn't some end of time spooky mess. It's actual a semi comical telling of the war between God and Satan from the beginning of time from the perspective of an angel who has witnessed it alls lost diary. Yeah its weird to explain over type but whatever. My top three books I read in 2008 to suggest would be Devil in the White City by Erik Larson. Its a true telling of the world fair in Chicago at the turn of the century and all the behind the scene drama that went on in the city politically and archaeologically while at the same time there was a serial killer on the loose, on some Jack the Ripper, Hannibal Lecter type murder, this book was brilliant. I also liked What is the What the authors name escapes me, but it was the first hand tale of one of the Lost Boys of the Sudan who lived a life of hustle and escape, lots of sad stories in that one, but its a must read, and my all around favorite book of 2008 was a Joshua Ferris Then We All Came to The End. Its an office comedy, that just tells a bunch of stories about office politics at an ad agency where people are getting laid off, I thought it was hilarious, get it if you teach, and have time to kill, or if you are gonna do some traveling. OH OH OH HOW COULD I FORGET I Love You Beth Cooverman I forget the author's name but its hilarious, about a high school valedictorian professing his love for the resident beauty and then the night he gets to spend with her and her friends...its straight comedy. But don't take my word for it
I went to Cleveland OH for Christmas stalkers. Good time all around, I'll spare you the memory lane and get right to the best part of the whole trip. December 23, 2008, my uncle had a few of his friends over, all classy people and all very well-spoken and polite. So no I'm not about to wax poetic about how people were running streaking through the house. However I will let it be noted that at a certain point my uncle did make a martini for my aunt, tasted it, and said oh no that's way to sweet for you, give it to Jamaal...really? That drink is far too sweet for a woman, we better give it to that boy...what's worse is I drank it. After about 2 hours or drinking my uncle was licking his two fingers and running around like a man simulating riding a horse would, and imagine that same man roping a lasso, but that this lasso is held up with just the two licked fingers, same said lasso man is slapping all the men present on the butt with his butt lasso, and while riding his invisible horse. Also my aunt who had, had quite a few drinks gladly proclaimed to all present her top ability to vomit, at will, and hit the toilet from any distance, I believe "I'm a pro, a pro baby doll, a pro" was the exact quote. All while my mom kept shouting at me "boy shut up before you make me pee my self" which at that point was the least of my worries, with a vomit terror threat at about level orange and butt lasso lick slaps being doled out, my weak bladder mom could take a joke or two. Fortunately no regurgitation, urination and only a minuscule amount of butt lassitation took place.
New Year's quick re-cap. One of my boys from home came up, and about 7 of us went out, a mix of guys and girls. Went to a hookah bar, with a pretty mixed crowd, and by mixed I mean Ethiopian mixed not black and white mixed, it was pretty cool, lost my favorite winter hat, but just chalked it up to obviously the hat didn't make the 2009 cut, oh well. Alright I'm tired of typing, probably go get some food and type a little more later....happy new year
Alright, Ive got a lot to catch up on, but I'll probably break it up into two posts, one because I get tired of typing, the -v- key on my keyboard has been acting up so I have to SLAM on it to get it to type. Which can be alternatingly annoying (yes red line under alternatingly whatever) because I can sometimes go for a good 15 to 20 minutes with typing the letter after U, but sometimes Ill hit a patch where every third word I type has a post U slammer. Okay, so enough babble, for the new year a few things I would like to get done, should you have any methods by which to assist cool shoot me some advice or a suggestion.
1. Learn to make an omelet (would you believe I honestly spelled it wrong again)
2. Learn to spell omlette
3. Do the vegan thing for a month
4. Learn another language
5.Go to some more major sporting event
6. Find a church in the area
7. Read 40 books
There are a select one or two more, but thats enough for now. The books one was my major goal for 2008, not sure how close I came but I would say I was somewhere around 29 or so. If you have a recommendation for me here is what I like...a good story. Not so much into scary, gory, a murder mystery is fine, but often I can figure them out early, I will read historical, no sci fi, absolutely no romance, and will definitely read chic-lit. With that said I just got done reading The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao it was a 2007 Pulitzer award winner, I thought it was just so so. Right now I am alternating between Chuck Palahniuk's Choke (he's the guy who wrote Fight Club) and another book called Lucifer's Flood by a nice middle aged red head woman, Im too lazy to go get the book and read her name, or even google the title for that matter. And no, it isn't some end of time spooky mess. It's actual a semi comical telling of the war between God and Satan from the beginning of time from the perspective of an angel who has witnessed it alls lost diary. Yeah its weird to explain over type but whatever. My top three books I read in 2008 to suggest would be Devil in the White City by Erik Larson. Its a true telling of the world fair in Chicago at the turn of the century and all the behind the scene drama that went on in the city politically and archaeologically while at the same time there was a serial killer on the loose, on some Jack the Ripper, Hannibal Lecter type murder, this book was brilliant. I also liked What is the What the authors name escapes me, but it was the first hand tale of one of the Lost Boys of the Sudan who lived a life of hustle and escape, lots of sad stories in that one, but its a must read, and my all around favorite book of 2008 was a Joshua Ferris Then We All Came to The End. Its an office comedy, that just tells a bunch of stories about office politics at an ad agency where people are getting laid off, I thought it was hilarious, get it if you teach, and have time to kill, or if you are gonna do some traveling. OH OH OH HOW COULD I FORGET I Love You Beth Cooverman I forget the author's name but its hilarious, about a high school valedictorian professing his love for the resident beauty and then the night he gets to spend with her and her friends...its straight comedy. But don't take my word for it
I went to Cleveland OH for Christmas stalkers. Good time all around, I'll spare you the memory lane and get right to the best part of the whole trip. December 23, 2008, my uncle had a few of his friends over, all classy people and all very well-spoken and polite. So no I'm not about to wax poetic about how people were running streaking through the house. However I will let it be noted that at a certain point my uncle did make a martini for my aunt, tasted it, and said oh no that's way to sweet for you, give it to Jamaal...really? That drink is far too sweet for a woman, we better give it to that boy...what's worse is I drank it. After about 2 hours or drinking my uncle was licking his two fingers and running around like a man simulating riding a horse would, and imagine that same man roping a lasso, but that this lasso is held up with just the two licked fingers, same said lasso man is slapping all the men present on the butt with his butt lasso, and while riding his invisible horse. Also my aunt who had, had quite a few drinks gladly proclaimed to all present her top ability to vomit, at will, and hit the toilet from any distance, I believe "I'm a pro, a pro baby doll, a pro" was the exact quote. All while my mom kept shouting at me "boy shut up before you make me pee my self" which at that point was the least of my worries, with a vomit terror threat at about level orange and butt lasso lick slaps being doled out, my weak bladder mom could take a joke or two. Fortunately no regurgitation, urination and only a minuscule amount of butt lassitation took place.
New Year's quick re-cap. One of my boys from home came up, and about 7 of us went out, a mix of guys and girls. Went to a hookah bar, with a pretty mixed crowd, and by mixed I mean Ethiopian mixed not black and white mixed, it was pretty cool, lost my favorite winter hat, but just chalked it up to obviously the hat didn't make the 2009 cut, oh well. Alright I'm tired of typing, probably go get some food and type a little more later....happy new year
Friday, December 19, 2008
okay so now I have a job
well I would love to make this post longer and go on and on, but I just got a new job so Im off to go celebrate, the way Americans do, with ale, hops, and some oprah book clubbery
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
okay so I dont have a job right now...
Okay, so judging by the title of this post you are lead to think one of two things. 1- he does not have a job right now, and 2-whats the capital of Illinois. I won't go into the exact details of it, but know I was not fired. Long story short, I don't work for the company I used to.
So when I share this information with people in my life, hobos, vagabonds, and the gypsies I travel with I get this response first each time. Ouch man, sorry to hear that. Or, whoa, in this economy, that's tough. I read stories about people being let go, folks getting laid off, and I understand that times are tough right now, I understand that sometimes we get a raw deal. I fully get that, however, this is what trumps that in my personal opinion....Pick yourself up, mourn it out for a second and get back on that horse. At this time, that's all I have to say about this matter.
However let me get down to some quick updates. Holiday season, and damn if people don't get all over the top about it, but I'll tell you who won't... this guy. So last night me and The Lady are sitting at the table eating dinner and she's talking to me about something or other about the Christmas lights and going to see them. Apparently it was soaked all over my face that I was luke warm to the idea, cause it prompted her to say "babe, you really don't have much Christmas spirit". I don't know what would lead her to this frame of mind, other than such quotes by me as "I dont care about putting up lights" "I don't want to buy gifts" " I wish people would not buy me anything at all" "Ping Pally Wam Bam" and "wop it up wop it up". (Yes the last two are not real statements, just seeing if you were paying attention.) asides from those passing comments I love the holidays. All the stress, all the people killing folks in stores to get plastic toys, folks getting nervous about presents folks may never use, sweaters that don't fit. What's not to love??
Now before I steal your joy, or get 1000 posts on how Im Scrooge and all that, let me clarify. I like family, I like being around loved ones, I like telling stories and cracking jokes, I love it. Everything else...not so much, and yes I mean everything else. The same old songs every year, the same movies, the same stress. I mean really, I was born in 1982, you mean to tell me since then man has managed to invent the internet, elect a black president, invent self check out lines, keyless car start ups, the thong, and clone a sheep..yet no one has come up with any new Christmas songs? I mean really, still jingle bells, really, and what the heck is with the 12 days of Christmas!!!! what does that even mean? Jewish folks don't even celebrate Christmas and even their holiday is only 8 days, and what are the gifts their talking about. Milking maids, leaping lizards, partridges, pear trees?? It's as if a man on acid back in 1976 made some jingle while tripping FIVE GOLDEN RINGS...four calling birds...three french hens...I mean damn you just got four birds, and three hens on back to back days, so in theory you just got 7 new birds introduced into your home, and thats just on the 4th day. At that point I would call off the whole thing and be like, forget this, not to mention the partridge in the tree, so actually its 8 damn birds and its not even day 5. I'd cancel the whole thing, and be like thanks but no thanks, and get those damn maids out here, their making a mess.
In all seriousness I'm just cracking jokes so if you love that song, or caroling, or if your name is even Carol, yes I love you, and the little drummer boy, and all that jazz.
But honestly do you think when folks set out to celebrate the birth of Jesus, they meant 87 cent wrapping paper and Blu Ray discs....
So when I share this information with people in my life, hobos, vagabonds, and the gypsies I travel with I get this response first each time. Ouch man, sorry to hear that. Or, whoa, in this economy, that's tough. I read stories about people being let go, folks getting laid off, and I understand that times are tough right now, I understand that sometimes we get a raw deal. I fully get that, however, this is what trumps that in my personal opinion....Pick yourself up, mourn it out for a second and get back on that horse. At this time, that's all I have to say about this matter.
However let me get down to some quick updates. Holiday season, and damn if people don't get all over the top about it, but I'll tell you who won't... this guy. So last night me and The Lady are sitting at the table eating dinner and she's talking to me about something or other about the Christmas lights and going to see them. Apparently it was soaked all over my face that I was luke warm to the idea, cause it prompted her to say "babe, you really don't have much Christmas spirit". I don't know what would lead her to this frame of mind, other than such quotes by me as "I dont care about putting up lights" "I don't want to buy gifts" " I wish people would not buy me anything at all" "Ping Pally Wam Bam" and "wop it up wop it up". (Yes the last two are not real statements, just seeing if you were paying attention.) asides from those passing comments I love the holidays. All the stress, all the people killing folks in stores to get plastic toys, folks getting nervous about presents folks may never use, sweaters that don't fit. What's not to love??
Now before I steal your joy, or get 1000 posts on how Im Scrooge and all that, let me clarify. I like family, I like being around loved ones, I like telling stories and cracking jokes, I love it. Everything else...not so much, and yes I mean everything else. The same old songs every year, the same movies, the same stress. I mean really, I was born in 1982, you mean to tell me since then man has managed to invent the internet, elect a black president, invent self check out lines, keyless car start ups, the thong, and clone a sheep..yet no one has come up with any new Christmas songs? I mean really, still jingle bells, really, and what the heck is with the 12 days of Christmas!!!! what does that even mean? Jewish folks don't even celebrate Christmas and even their holiday is only 8 days, and what are the gifts their talking about. Milking maids, leaping lizards, partridges, pear trees?? It's as if a man on acid back in 1976 made some jingle while tripping FIVE GOLDEN RINGS...four calling birds...three french hens...I mean damn you just got four birds, and three hens on back to back days, so in theory you just got 7 new birds introduced into your home, and thats just on the 4th day. At that point I would call off the whole thing and be like, forget this, not to mention the partridge in the tree, so actually its 8 damn birds and its not even day 5. I'd cancel the whole thing, and be like thanks but no thanks, and get those damn maids out here, their making a mess.
In all seriousness I'm just cracking jokes so if you love that song, or caroling, or if your name is even Carol, yes I love you, and the little drummer boy, and all that jazz.
But honestly do you think when folks set out to celebrate the birth of Jesus, they meant 87 cent wrapping paper and Blu Ray discs....
Monday, November 24, 2008
yeah she's my wife
Let's just get to the chase on this one...
For work I have been doing a lot of traveling the last few weeks or so. Just this past weekend I was down in Alexandria, Louisiana (which is kind of tight as I live in Alexandria, Virginia...stalk away)(don't really stalk away The Lady would be pissed, and yes, I did follow a parenthesis with another). Anyway I'm down there with a co-worker from our San Diego office and we are looking for some food. Long story short we are lost, and I just pull over for directions at a gas station...AAAAND ACTION!
(Setting Dark Shady gas station in back woods Louisiana with me and my coworker, a very sweet California girl, a pretty girl, and very polite at that)
Me: Hey my man you know how I can get back to somewhere to eat?
At this point the adult I asked looks at me rolls his eyes and walks into the gas station... leaving a 10 year old boy with a HUGE camo jacket on to respond, with a soaking Lew easy anna accent...
Boy: WHAT! WHAT YOUWANNAEET?
ME:like a restaurant or something champ
Boy: (still yelling, caps lock is a pain to keep hitting, so just keep up) Ohh laik summcdonalds right?!?!
Me: no like an applebees
Boy: (still yelling) Oh like some chinese sit down get out right quick?!?!
at which point the man from earlier who ignored me comes up behind the boys, puts him in a headlock and drags him away by his heels, at which point immediately a new boy replaces him, where he came from I am still re-creating the night to try to figure that out. Mind you a new 10 year old is there while this other boy gets dragged off. Also the new boy is accompanied by a man drinking his beer from a bag practically doing the butterfly as he walks and they hit me with...
Man and Boy: what you need to do is leave here go in a box of turns and you'll be there?
Me: oh (as I think what the hell is a box of turns? I'm only accustomed to a sphere of yields, and an occasional hexagon of right on reds)
at this point the new boy is leaning forward to blatantly check out my co worker, smiling, winking and lip macking, while I at, the same time am leaning so far forward to block his view my cheek is about to fire off the horn if I inhale. Finally old man just comes out and goes...
M/B: "So what up, that yo wife?"
Me: thinking: really straight to wife fellas? not girl friend, fiancee', on and off again, late night discreet...really straight to wife? See but that's what you're supposed to think you newbie, what a man of this caliber is letting you know with that question is the following: I am a grimy somebody and have no shame in hitting on a woman who is here with you in any capacity, unless of course you two are legally bound by law as husband and wife, otherwise....sweetie what yo name is. So without thinking I hit him with "yeah fam, that's my wife" throw it in reverse as more man boy combo's start showing up Thriller style, from out of the Louisiana backwoods and just peeled out the damn gas station.
Aaand Cut!
P.S
now deepest apologies, as this was a pretty major event to me as it happened, however I hope its not one of those "had to be there" things in which event, my bad, if it helps you any, there were two dinosaurs there the whole time, a velociraptor, and a teradactyl (AHHHH WOW I SPELLED BOTH OF THOSE RIGHT THE FIRST TIME, NO RED UNDERLINES) and no, I am not some dinosaur afficionado, just got my "sound it out" on. and on that note, get back to work.
For work I have been doing a lot of traveling the last few weeks or so. Just this past weekend I was down in Alexandria, Louisiana (which is kind of tight as I live in Alexandria, Virginia...stalk away)(don't really stalk away The Lady would be pissed, and yes, I did follow a parenthesis with another). Anyway I'm down there with a co-worker from our San Diego office and we are looking for some food. Long story short we are lost, and I just pull over for directions at a gas station...AAAAND ACTION!
(Setting Dark Shady gas station in back woods Louisiana with me and my coworker, a very sweet California girl, a pretty girl, and very polite at that)
Me: Hey my man you know how I can get back to somewhere to eat?
At this point the adult I asked looks at me rolls his eyes and walks into the gas station... leaving a 10 year old boy with a HUGE camo jacket on to respond, with a soaking Lew easy anna accent...
Boy: WHAT! WHAT YOUWANNAEET?
ME:like a restaurant or something champ
Boy: (still yelling, caps lock is a pain to keep hitting, so just keep up) Ohh laik summcdonalds right?!?!
Me: no like an applebees
Boy: (still yelling) Oh like some chinese sit down get out right quick?!?!
at which point the man from earlier who ignored me comes up behind the boys, puts him in a headlock and drags him away by his heels, at which point immediately a new boy replaces him, where he came from I am still re-creating the night to try to figure that out. Mind you a new 10 year old is there while this other boy gets dragged off. Also the new boy is accompanied by a man drinking his beer from a bag practically doing the butterfly as he walks and they hit me with...
Man and Boy: what you need to do is leave here go in a box of turns and you'll be there?
Me: oh (as I think what the hell is a box of turns? I'm only accustomed to a sphere of yields, and an occasional hexagon of right on reds)
at this point the new boy is leaning forward to blatantly check out my co worker, smiling, winking and lip macking, while I at, the same time am leaning so far forward to block his view my cheek is about to fire off the horn if I inhale. Finally old man just comes out and goes...
M/B: "So what up, that yo wife?"
Me: thinking: really straight to wife fellas? not girl friend, fiancee', on and off again, late night discreet...really straight to wife? See but that's what you're supposed to think you newbie, what a man of this caliber is letting you know with that question is the following: I am a grimy somebody and have no shame in hitting on a woman who is here with you in any capacity, unless of course you two are legally bound by law as husband and wife, otherwise....sweetie what yo name is. So without thinking I hit him with "yeah fam, that's my wife" throw it in reverse as more man boy combo's start showing up Thriller style, from out of the Louisiana backwoods and just peeled out the damn gas station.
Aaand Cut!
P.S
now deepest apologies, as this was a pretty major event to me as it happened, however I hope its not one of those "had to be there" things in which event, my bad, if it helps you any, there were two dinosaurs there the whole time, a velociraptor, and a teradactyl (AHHHH WOW I SPELLED BOTH OF THOSE RIGHT THE FIRST TIME, NO RED UNDERLINES) and no, I am not some dinosaur afficionado, just got my "sound it out" on. and on that note, get back to work.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
