In Actuality

Having moved to a larger area it seems to me that lately a new wave of compassion has been slowly taking over me. A wave of thought that perhaps had previously escaped me, or to better phrase it, a wave of thought that was foreign to me. Nonetheless it is upon me now, and to be honest, it is upon me heavily.

In interacting with so many people day to day, walking around my apartment complex, riding the bus, walking the streets etc. I see a lot of the same something in people's faces, better yet, I see the same lack of something. It is the look of lower middle to middle America meandering along through their days. It is the look of "today is the most important day, and as long as I can get through it I will be ok". I see it on the face of the Hispanic man on the bus in the morning with a homemade cast, held together with a bandana and a shoestring. I see it on the face of the bus driver who two weeks ago gave me the scowl of a lifetime when boarding the bus, but now is glad to talk to me about her search for a new home for her and her two kids. I see it on the face of the mother walking the streets with one kid in a stroller and another holding her hand, the same hand that lacks a wedding ring.  I get on the bus, in the morning, and I don't see neckties and white collars, but more paint splattered jeans, and people leaving job A, heading to job B. 

They train you early that its black, and its white. As a black person, we especially train ourselves to think that it is us, and it is them, but here, everyday I have come to realize more and more that its quite a bit larger than that. I've got a bunch of rich friends, well dressed, well spoken, college educated, savy, up on politics, sports and all the latest trends. I also am the son of a father who currently at 48 has had two strokes, is an alcoholic, marijuana fiend, who lives sternly from check to check, often times coming very short. So please believe, I understand. For years I thought that perhaps Dread  (what I call my father, as he has long flowing dreadlocks) was a rare instance , him and his friends, an outlier on the bell curve of society. Him and his rag tag set of friends, quick to blaze up, even quicker to drink up, and quickest to the strip club with a story about last night that would leave you laughing, and slightly shy to listen. I used to think that perhaps, by and large most folks lived like my other friends, like the ones I was accustomed to in the safe and soundness of middle to upper middle America. Or perhaps I knew all along that this was the life of many, but just was hoping for otherwise.

Truth is, people are struggling. Truth is, people have been struggling, and truth is people will stay struggling. I get off the bus, leaving behind those looking forward to a cash advance, or a money order to pay their bills cause they don't have bank accounts and nothing works better than cash in hand. I get off the bus, take a few steps, and like magic, I'm closer to my office and surrounded by the bluetooth's and the Banana Republic sale bags, Ipod's and hipster lingo. I get off the bus, and I feel at home, safe again. Safe to talk about last nights game or gripe about some random hassle that I have been assigned at work. I get off the bus, but I still feel the people sitting in the back. I still see the kids waiting for the community college stop, and the moms with no dads, the first generations just mastering English. I get off the bus, and leave the sea of sadness, feeling guilty, and at the same time I wish I could stay longer. If only to hear each and every persons story, to understand what they are going through,  and what they wish they could be.

Call it sugary I really could care less. I just wanted to put it out there that the world is big, and people are struggling. Struggling to pay rent, and fill up gas tanks, to eat food, and they aren't the first, and they won't be the last. Big cities gobble up dreams left and right, see I used to hope that maybe only Dread and his buddies had lost their dreams. Maybe I could have dealt with that, I could have faced it cause I knew that at least I made them happy, by telling them about college, and school and the things they wanted to do. I could have dealt with a few folks not getting out of life what they bargained for, long as I could help out. Sadly I was wrong, cause they aren't the only ones. 

It's a dog eat dog world out there.

"...Im just robbin to eat/

and there's at least a 1000 other like me mobbin the street/

when we starvin we eat/

whatevers there/

come on you know the code in the street/

whatever's fair..."

"Get at Me Dog" DMX