Let's just jump right into the meat of today. Today, is my birthday. For the record I am now 26, and that actually stirs up a lot of thoughts for me, and would you look at that, you're bored at work so pull up a seat.
First thing, 26 is officially a grown up age. My favorite age so far has been 24, not cause it was an epic year, but because for a whole year I could refer to myself as Jack Bauer. (upon proofreading, that was a pretty lame joke, but mind you, I was a young lad back then). Also there seems to be this widespread panic about getting older here in America especially among people in my age range. Let me be the first to say, I LOVE GETTING OLDER. What's not to love? As much as people publicly wish they could be young again, do you really want to go back to that? Yeah sure you could seemingly do whatever you wanted. In actuality being a kid is like being an animal in a zoo. Wake up when woken, go to bed when told, eat what fed, play when allowed, all your life depends upon the mood of your parents. Fast forward a few years to your mid twenties...well well well what have we here.
I wake up when I want(after the "death bell" better known as an alarm clock goes off") , I stay up however late I want, I eat anything I want(as long as The Lady says its okay). I can drink beer, I can say bad words, I can draw pictures of breasts if I want, I can type the word breasts if I want. I can stand up in the bathtub, jump on my bed, wear no underwear, kiss girls, cross the street without holding hands, have money (to give away to William, my adult name for bills). I can kill my ex-wife and her friend in a brutal stabbing incident, go home fill my house with blood stains, and stomp my footprints all through the blood (okay well apparently I can't but you see what I'm saying). I can stay out past the street lights coming on, heck, thats when half the fun of being an adult kicks in. Remember when alcohol tasted bad, and you thought, "how does anyone drink this mess" yeah you would...little kid. I can make up answers that I don't know to tell to kids "yes the sky is blue, only to you little Johnny, its actually magenta to the rest of us, but don't tell anyone you see a blue sky, they will deport you, and deport means fill with cement by the way" and yes I have used that one before. Im old enough to not worry about online predators. I can do anything, take a look its in a book! Rea--wait, where am I? Why would I want to be a kid again? For some mac and cheese and some fish sticks? Yeah right.
Speaking of Reading Rainbow, remember when you were a kid right, and adults officially knew the answer to everything, yes everything. So when Levar Burton was on there telling you a book was good, why then did he always have to peddle some kids on us with his "don't take my word for it". Levar, you're obviously a respectable adult, and YOU ARE ON TV, we will believe anything you say. Who are these kids, probably nerds if they're reading, hmph, now I don't want to read the book if these lames are reading it. Okay, now I really have no idea what I was talking about. hold on let me scroll up.
Right right, my birthday. I love it, not so much the whole happy birthday thing. Yes thats cool and all but see...I can do anything, anytime anyday. So its not like when I was younger and had one day a year devoted to me. I make money, and can get the things I want. Also, as a kid getting a combined 71 dollars from relatives was a kings ransom, but apparently the dollar a year for every year you've lived caps out somewhere between 13-18. Looking back on it, 7 bucks is a lot of money at 7, whereas now 7 bucks is like, really? You cheap bastard. If someone gave me 7 bucks today, I would probably out of habit ask them if I could spend the night at my friends house. Speaking of which, when was the last time you had a sleepover? No fellas, not a one night stand, a genuine sleep over. Staying up late, sleeping bags, all that jazz, yeah, ages ago why? Cause you're an adult damnit that's why.
Okay well I would love to keep typing, just as Im sure you would love to keep reading, but see, its my birthday, and I've got a whole lot of "anything I want" to get back to. But don't take my word for it.
No comments:
Post a Comment