Express Lane

Here I am all proud of myself. Making a little money, getting a salary, feeling good about myself and what not. I must admit it is a good feeling to have money in the bank. For those of you not so accustomed to living a life in which you live are not accustomed to ever living from check to check, stop reading and go milk your parents for some more money. Anyway here I am all excited to be stacking loot buying lavish gifts, bathing myself in fine oils and and decorative ornaments. But alas, I should have known it was too good to be true. 

Grocery shopping my friends, is quickly setting itself up to be the death of me. Last night The Lady and I went for our third or fourth trip to the grocery store, this time the damage was a mere $175 dollars. First time we went it was in excess of $200 and there have been a few little baby excursions here and there. Nonetheless, long story shirt, I hate it. It should be noted that I have spent my whole life living as an only child bachelor, when it comes to buying groceries even when I stopped being an only child, and also even when I stopped being a bachelor. I just like to buy what I'd like to eat in about ten minutes, or whatever else is bright. Thank Jesus for my Lady.

If it weren't for her I would spend $500 dollars on beer, kettle corn, cotton candy, and pork rinds. To further appreciate that joke, you should probably know this, I hate kettle corn, cotton candy, and pork rinds. Which would leave me with only beer, again read last sentence of previous paragraph. So here we are walking the aisles with me repeatedly asking "babe can we get this ?" followed by a dismissive "no babe" it pretty much reached a point where I was only at "babe can-" before she hit me with the "no".  Personally I think she was being a little too quick to shoot down my eating dreams. I mean come on, what man my age doesn't deserve some freeze dried salami flavored waffles, or some tapicoa flavored vita water on sale 2 for $3.oo. I am a growing man damnit! Honestly that's how they get me. Anything that is more than one for a supposed "discount" price I'm gonna jump on it. "Oh look babe sure we can be cheapies and get one for $2.00 but we could just as easily get four of them for $17.00, looks pretty cut and dry to me babe" to which she will normally inform me again of the fact that we do not own a pet, and thus do not need ANY pet toys regardless the deal. I'm pretty sure I would buy some Kotex if the deal was good enough (excuse me for a second while I check the receipt to make sure that didn't happen)

So we ended up sticking to her plan, salads, tuna fish, ground beef, milk, orange juice etc, apparently these things are "staples", whatever, straight whatever. After an 1.5 hours of getting all this mess we end up at the check out counter, and in an effort to keep my good mood I wont even mention how laborious that ordeal was. Is it wrong of me to think they should just make the check out a race type set up. Even better, if it was a racially motivated race. The check out could be real simple white cashiers help white customers, blacks help blacks, hispanics help hispanics and so on and so forth. See, then the faster you go as a customer the more of a discount you get, and the quicker your cashiers are cashing you out the more points they could get towards a raise. See this way everyone wins. No, I am not some bigot, I just know that since The Lady and I bring two races to the table we could split up into two lanes, get double savings and be out twice as fast, so maybe when you put it like that, only her and I would win, not everyone. Oh well, my game my rules, wait, what was I even talking about. Who knows, I'm hungry and all I've got is kettle corn... well time for some fast food.